Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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