I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
