I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
