dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
