did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
