I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
