just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
