Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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