Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
