U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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