Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
