I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
