My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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