hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
