I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
