Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
my poor anus
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
