she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Randomize
