Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
