smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my shit smells like andre
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
