I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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