You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
