i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
