Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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