Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
