I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
