Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
