So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Randomize
