Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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