shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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