everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
