So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
