mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she looked like the before picture.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
