so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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