Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
