Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
