Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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