I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
