Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
