So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
