I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
