i barfeds in our rink
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
