Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
