i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
