Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
