is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
