worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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