I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
