You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
