I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
