Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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