You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
